High School

Encourage your teen to succeed by setting goals for the future

High school is a great time for your child to start thinking about his goals for the future. Teens with vivid mental pictures of their futures—and the steps they can take to get there—are more likely to stay in school. They are also more likely to succeed in school, as their future plans are great motivation. Ask your teen if he has given any thought to what he wants to do in the future. He may surprise you with what he says!

Suggest that your teen research his possible plans, either on the Internet or at the library. He may even want to talk to people in his chosen line of work to see what the day-to-day job is like. Encourage your teen to write down some goals. Ask him to think about:

Long-term goals. What would he like to be doing 10 years from now? Realize this is an eternity to most teens. Fun activities are goals, too—if he’d like to travel the world, he should add that to his list.
Short-term goals. What does he hope to be doing three years from now? How about one year from now?

Have your teen pick his “top three” goals from each list. Then have him list the pros and cons of each one to help him make his decisions.

Work with your teenager to set a proper curfew

Setting a curfew for your teen can be a challenge. Almost all teens think they should be exempt from curfews for one reason or another. To establish an effective and fair curfew:

Talk to your teen about why he needs a curfew. Stress that it isn’t (necessarily) that you don’t trust him—it’s more to help you sleep at night, knowing that he’s safely in bed after a certain time.
Choose a “regular” curfew together. Curfews work best when teens have a say in them.
Agree that your teen will call you if he thinks he is going to be late. He should also call you if his destination changes.
Consider allowing a later curfew for special events. But explain that he may have to be home earlier than curfew when he has to be up early the next day.
Trust your teen to follow through on his end of the bargain. Don’t just sit by the front door with a clock.
Reevaluate the curfew after a few weeks. If your teen has been consistently coming home later than curfew, it may be time to set stricter rules. But if he has been coming home on time, praise his responsibility and consider allowing him greater freedom in the future.

Use the ‘5 Ws and How’ to make note taking easier

Taking notes while reading is one of the best ways to help your teen remember more of what she has studied. The “5 Ws and How” method is one way to take notes. It helps students remember the most important people, events and dates. Have your teen create six headings on a piece of paper: What? Who? When? Where? Why? How? As she reads an assignment, have her try to find the answers to each of these questions:

What? What were the most important things that happened?
Who? Who was there? Who were the most important characters?
When? When did it happen? Were there any important reasons the event happened when it did (not earlier or later)?
Where? Where did this event take place?
Why? What were the causes for this event? Why is it important to learn about?
How? How did it happen? How did it turn out?

A news story is a good way for teens to learn how to look for the 5 W’s and How. Every news story is supposed to answer those six questions in the first two paragraphs. If your teen has trouble finding answers to these questions when she’s reading, give her some more practice by reading an article or two from today’s newspaper.

Give your teen three test-taking strategies that lead to success

Whether it’s that all-important driver’s test or a short quiz in math class, testing is a fact of life for today’s teens. To help your teen succeed on any test, suggest that he:

Read the directions carefully. This will keep your teen from making simple—and avoidable—mistakes. The directions could say, “Answer two of these four questions.” Or they could say that some multiple choice questions have more than one correct answer. On a math or science test, the directions will say whether your teen has to show his work. (Even if he gets the final answer wrong, he could get partial credit for showing his work.)
Use time wisely. Have your teen read through the entire test before answering any questions. Then budget his time. If the essay question is worth 50 points, he will know how much time to allow. He’ll also know when he’s spending too much time on a single question. Using time wisely also means using all the time available. Some teens treat tests like a NASCAR race—they want to be first across the finish line. Teach your teen to use any extra time to check his work.
Answer the easy questions first. Getting off to a strong start can give your teen the confidence to tackle tougher questions. Answering the easier questions first may also remind your teen of a fact or two he’ll need to answer the more difficult questions.

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Middle School

Use strategies to boost your middle schooler’s memory skills

Help your middle schooler remember the things she studies! To boost her memory skills:

Be sure she understands what she’s studying. It’s tough to memorize something if you don’t know what it means in the first place.
Set it to music. Help your middle schooler make up a tune or simple rhyme to remember names, dates or math formulas.
Surround her with the material. Is she studying a certain history topic? Find books, movies and songs about that topic, too.
Have her tackle the tough stuff first. When she’s studying at night, remind her to focus on the must-remember topic first. That way, she’ll be at her freshest when dealing with the most critical material.
Try visualization. Get your middle schooler to associate the thing she’s trying to memorize with a mental image. Have her close her eyes and picture what she is studying. A picture really is worth a thousand words (or facts).
Make it personal. Ask your middle schooler to explain the topic she’s studying to you. Just putting it into her own words may help the concepts stick in her mind.
Be thorough. Remind your middle schooler to read through all of her notes when she’s studying. Afterward, she can go back and reread the parts she’s struggling to recall.

Be calm, firm when your child is dishonest

Nearly every child will have an episode of dishonesty. For most kids, it is telling a lie. Handling this can be tricky. You must let your child know that honesty is of great importance. At the same time, you don’t want to crush your child over this, because doing so can backfire. You want her to be more willing to come to you with the truth, not less. To promote honesty:

Model the behavior you want. If your child catches you in lies, she probably won’t listen when you talk about the importance of truth.
Be clear without yelling. Say, “Katie, I know telling the truth can be difficult. But lying is unacceptable. I am sad when you lie because it makes me feel I can’t trust you.”
Never brand your child as a liar. Children need parents’ encouragement to motivate them to improve. Calling your child names makes her feel you have decided she is a lost cause.
Get to the bottom of it. Children usually have a reason for lying. Something may be bothering your child. On the other hand, if your child lies to cover up other misbehavior, you may need to monitor her more closely until she can be more honest and responsible.

Encourage citizenship in your preteen

Middle school children are learning to be more sensitive to the needs of others and to the world around them. Foster citizenship in your child by suggesting she:

Volunteer. Homeless shelters often need someone to organize lunches for residents. They also need supplies such as soap, shaving cream and flip-flops for the showers. Your child could conduct a neighborhood drive or organize friends to help.
Help the environment. Your child could collect materials to recycle. She could come up with ways for your family to conserve—such as washing clothes in cold water—and oversee these efforts.
Make her voice heard. Suggest your child write to the editor of your local paper. Or have her call or write an elected official to share her views. And set a good example.

Encourage your middle schooler to write with a little persuasion

Loves to argue. Insists he is right. Great at explaining why you are wrong. Does this sound like your middle schooler? Believe it or not, these traits, although annoying, can help your child improve his writing. Persuasive writing is an important type of writing that seeks to bring the reader to the author’s point of view. Encourage your child to practice this skill by having him:

Write an editorial to your local newspaper about something that interests him.
Write a letter to a candidate. He can share an opinion about one of the issues being debated.
Write to you to persuade you to give him a certain privilege he wants.
Write to a teacher about why there should be no homework this weekend.
Write to a friend about why it is better to go bowling than see the new movie opening tomorrow.

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Elementary School

Teach your child self-discipline with responsibility, confidence

It takes a mix of traits for children to be “self-disciplined,” including responsibility and confidence. To develop these characteristics:

Discuss things that are important to your child, such as friends and hobbies. Also talk about challenges, including peer pressure.
Enforce rules consistently and explain why they’re important. Use discipline to guide (rather than punish) your child.
Give your child responsibilities. She might do chores, save up for a toy or be part of a sports team. These activities teach about following through.
Set goals with your child. What would she like to accomplish? How can she do this? Be specific.
Set an example for your child. If you want her to be honest, for instance, display honesty.

Create a ‘strategy wheel’ to help your child with math homework

When your child gets stuck on a math problem, she probably can’t always remember how to get herself back on track. That’s where a strategy wheel can help. It’s a poster your child creates that will help her remember all the different things she can do when she’s stuck on a math problem. When your child isn’t feeling frustrated, ask her to make a list of all the different things she can do to find the answer to a math problem. Her list could include:

Reread the problem.
Draw a diagram.
Restate the problem in my own words.
Guess an answer and then check it out.
Think about how I solved other problems like this one.

Then have her create a pie chart with her strategies listed. Let her post the chart where she does her math homework. The next time she’s stuck, all she needs to do is glance at the wheel and then try one of the strategies.

Teach your child how to respect others and treat people fairly

The world is getting smaller. That means everyone—kids especially—will need to learn how to get along with people from all parts of the globe. Here are some ways to help your child treat everyone fairly:

Follow the rules. A game without rules usually dissolves into chaos and isn’t much fun. Teach your child the “rules” of getting along with others (taking turns, sharing, listening).
Manners matter. Simple gestures—holding doors for others, showing respect to older people—can go a long way toward bridging the gap between cultures. A child who treats others with respect is likely to see that respect returned. Kids with good manners make a great first impression.
Respect differences. Baseball teams need pitchers and catchers. Choirs need altos and basses. It’s often our differences that make the greatest contribution to the world. Teach your child to value the uniqueness of each person.

Focus on the positive when disciplining

Think about the things you have said to your child today. How many times did you criticize her? How often did you correct bad behavior? On the other hand, how many times did you notice the things your child did right?

If you’re like most parents, you probably find you tend to focus on the negative. Yet praising the positive can be one of the most effective tools parents have to promote good behavior.

Children need to feel loved and accepted. They also want attention. So when parents pay attention to good behavior, kids are likely to keep on doing those things!

Mark Rosencrance, an Elkins, West Virginia reader and father of two, has found a great way to remember to focus on the positive. “In my house we keep a big red plus sign on the refrigerator,” he says. It’s a quick and easy way to remind Mom and Dad to notice all the good things their children do.

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School Readiness

Give your preschooler a role in taking care of the family

Helping out around the house is one of the best ways for a child to gain a sense of responsibility. Helping out—even if your child says he doesn’t want to—shows him that he can do something valuable for his family. This builds responsibility and a healthy self-concept. Here are some guidelines for you and your child:

Have your child work alongside you doing an age-appropriate chore, such as dusting a table with a feather duster. Ask him politely to help and thank him when he does. Comment only on his effort, not the result.
Empathize with your child. Some chores, like washing a car in hot weather, really may be fun. But most are not. They just have to get done to keep the family going. Say something like, “I love the way the floor looks after you pick up all your clothes. Thanks for doing it. It really helps the family.”
Make him responsible for his playthings. Set an example by taking care of your personal items. Tell him his toys are his personal items. He takes them out, he plays with them, he picks them up.
If he absolutely refuses, tell him toys left on the floor will disappear and he won’t be able to play with them. Then make it happen (keep them away for two or three days, not forever.) If he doesn’t get the message, or he continues to bring out more and more toys, that may be a sign that he has too many.

Make sure you listen to your child attentively

Sometimes young children talk—and talk—and talk. And what they say doesn’t always make sense! But it’s your job to listen. This builds your child’s language skills—and her self-esteem. To show that you’re listening:

Avoid distractions. Offer your attention, even if it means putting down a book, turning off the computer or ignoring the telephone.
Do not interrupt. After your child finishes her thought, ask questions to make sure you understand.
Keep an open mind. Parents and children disagree about many things, and that’s okay. Respect your child’s opinions.
Be understanding. If your child says, “I hate you,” she might really mean, “I’m mad that you won’t invite my friend over.” Be patient as you figure out what’s behind your child’s words. Pay attention to body language, too.

Use a piece of string to measure your preschooler, teach math

Like many families, you probably have marks on the wall to show your child’s increasing height. Here’s another way to answer the question: “How tall am I?”— and teach about math as well. To start:

Help your preschooler measure himself head-to-toe with yarn. Cut the string to the correct length.
Measure the string with your child and write the number on masking tape. Attach it to the yarn and add your child’s name. Say, “This is how tall you are.”
Walk around the house with your preschooler. Using the yarn, figure out which things are taller or shorter than he is. How long are they?
Add fun by measuring someone else, too, such as yourself. What items are taller or shorter than you? Make guesses and see if you’re right.
Try the activity again as your child grows. Notice what has changed since the last time. “Hey! You grew taller than the chair!” “One more inch, and you’ll be as tall as your dresser.”

Teach your preschooler how to have respectful behavior

Respect may be a tough concept to teach a very young child. But respectful behaviors are not difficult to teach at all. Remember, what you do is more important than what you say. So be sure to model and teach these respectful behaviors every day:

Take care of yourself. You can’t have respect without self-respect. Self-respecting behaviors include getting enough sleep and exercise. Eating healthy foods and staying safe (wearing seat belts and bike helmets) count too.
Think of others. This is difficult for young children. They are not ready to do it on their own, all the time. But they are ready to practice. Sharing a toy with a friend is practice. So is saying please or thank you. Following directions from a teacher is practice as well.
Understand differences. Young children naturally accept others. They do not treat someone differently just because that person does not have the same skin color as they do, or communicates in a different way. That may change if they pick up disrespectful habits or language from adults. Never speak or act in a manner that will give your child the impression that it is okay to treat someone badly just because the person is different from you.
Take care of what is around you. If you borrow something, return it on time and in good condition. If you make a mess, clean it up. Put trash in the wastebasket, not on the ground.

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All articles are reprinted with permission from the Parent Institute.